Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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