The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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