Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize