I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
