You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
