it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
