guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we're making bets on your personal life
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
