i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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