You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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