"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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