You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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