Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Everything about him screamed your future.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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