btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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