I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
