come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
