just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
