xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
