So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
is it fun? or sober?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
