I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
