remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
two words: eviction party
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
