if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
