I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
