Too much gin, very little bucket
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
