I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
