I'm so fucking centered right now
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
