I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
