think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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