I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
