Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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