scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
