would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
