Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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