Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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