my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
