My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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