does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
