i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
