Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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