dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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