Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
