Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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