wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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