That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
