She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Are we still banned from the library?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
