wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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