I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
