Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
