Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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