There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
