Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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