Your mouth is God's brothel.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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