Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
