sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
