i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
