My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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