six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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