Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
PANTIES FOUND
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