i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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