Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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