I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
