you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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