Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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