i may or may not be watching the land before time
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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